False needs

You don’t need to eat that much. Most of the times what you eat is actually emotional eating.

You don’t need a faster/ newer car. The one you have is still good for a few more years.

You don’t need a bigger house. You spend most of your time outside the house (or at least you should) and when you’re at home you spend most of it sleeping. You only sleep in one room.

You don’t need new clothes each season. The ones you have from last year are still looking brand new.

You don’t need the latest smart phone to have a chat on messenger or check on your facebook feed. Almost any 50 dollar smartphone can do that.

What you need more though is to spend your time doing what you love, being with the people you like, meeting new people, going out, learn new things, read more, travel, smile, have fun, love, enjoy your life.

You don’t need more things, you need more feelings.


Failing better

Failing is never a good thing. If you could keep on winning without ever failing it would be great, but it’s impossible. You are going to fail, eventually. Now it’s up to you how and what you will learn from it and if you put to good use the things you’ve learned.  Sometimes failing can be a great lesson and even better than success.

Failing comes in different types, sizes and shapes. You can fail a task, a project or a dream, you can fail with great consequences or with small ones, you can fail professionally or emotionally. Your failure can affect only yourself or it can affect your friends, partners, or your business.

But no matter how or in what you fail, failing is still failing. The notion of failing better is a way of trying to mask failure, to focus on the positive aspects and neglect the negative. This might sound like a good idea, but it’s actually the worst thing you could do. Failure can be such a good lesson because of the failing, the mistakes, the bad moves you made, not of the good things.

When failing, focus on what you did wrong and learn from that.

Necessity of feedback

Feedback is one of the best types of communication you can have if done properly; but the problem is that most people confuse feedback with criticism, friendly advice or expressing their own opinion. Some people consider them as a form of feedback but they lack some of the elements that make feedback the important tool that it is.

Irrespective of whether you offer or you receive feedback, there are a few basic things you have to take into consideration if you want it to have the desired effect.

First of all, feedback is always positive. Most people refuse to ask or receive feedback because they are afraid of criticism. Feedback is not criticism. You have to understand this while giving but also while receiving feedback.

Feedback is always constructive. Even if the end goal is to eliminate some negative aspects, it won’t count for the removal of the unwanted element but for its transformation into something useful, something better.

Relevance is another thing you have to take into account. Feedback only focuses on important aspects that matter the most. Everything else is brainstorming, chatting, debating or just talking. Feedback has a clear purpose.

But above all, feedback is about action. Your goal is to motivate, to change, to improve something. Set your goals clearly before you start offering feedback and center your discussion around that.

Feedback is one of the best way to improve. Take advantage of it.

Expressing your opinion

One of the fundamental rights is freedom of speech. People want it, they strive for it and would fight or even die for it. You can see this clearly from the events in the past year. Yet after the momentum passes and after they enjoy and take profit of the newly acquired freedom, it soon begins to fade away.

People will stop saying whatever comes to their minds if they can do it for long enough. It’s not that they don’t have something to say. Everything that happens around you, everything you perceive and interact with will produce a reaction, a thought, an opinion. The change comes from the fear to express what you feel. The fear of being judged, being open about your beliefs, of having people focused on you. The fear of looking stupid and especially of being called stupid by others.

What this fear does is limit dialogue and communication. It will lower interaction, cut off connections, reduce idea generation and destroy relationships. Freedom of speech may allow all these but it will also create the fear that can cut them all off. It took courage to obtain freedom of speech, now your courage is needed to express yourself, to say what’s on your mind and make sure that the sacrifices that brought it will not have been in vain.

Express yourself no matter how and what you think, and if you can do it as feedback it’s even better.

The myth of perfectionism

You don’t just want to have a perfect product. Perfectionism is just another excuse to postpone delivering things. You are afraid that what you’ve done won’t be good enough. You are trying to avoid criticism and failure by wanting to please everyone with the perfect product. This is what trying to be a perfectionist actually means; wanting to be liked by everyone.

You are going to lose a lot of time trying to improve something that can’t be improved any more. Even if there is still room for improvement, from a certain point on, the effort is just not worth it. You are just going to lose time and resources for something that will not bring any extra value. You might as well move on and start something new.

Trying to have a great product, a great project or wanting to do great work is all you need. Perfection is just not worth trying to achieve. It’s better to launch a product or finish work earlier, deliver, get feedback and improve from there. This is more efficient, time and cost saving, practical and even if you don’t see it now, safer.

Something is perfect until someone gets bored of it.